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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30028287">Bittersweet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Translucent07/pseuds/Translucent07'>Translucent07</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angry Kylo Ren, Angst, Angst with feels, Childhood Friends, Dominant Kylo Ren, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Enemies, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo’s prisoner, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, The First Order, seriously the slowest of burns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:41:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30028287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Translucent07/pseuds/Translucent07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>10 years have passed since you had last seen the face of Ben Solo, someone you had once considered a friend.<br/>Within those years everything had changed.<br/>His path to the Dark side and the destruction he left along the way had caused chaos all throughout the galaxy.<br/>Leaving the future of the Resistance unknown and your days spent in hiding, waiting for what was next. </p>
<p>But when circumstances lead you to come face to face with the man responsible for your suffering, you take matters into your own hands. A futile attempt to bring down the mighty Kylo Ren leads to your captivity. </p>
<p>What will happen when your past really does come back to haunt you...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Hello Old Friend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello!</p>
<p>This is my first time ever posting a story and I am so eager/nervous, so please be kind!<br/>This is just something I am doing for fun and I am sure I will want to go back and fix things here and there, so excuse any grammar or punctuation errors 🙃</p>
<p>I have been obsessing over this story for weeks and I am so excited to show you it to you!</p>
<p>There are a few things I want to mention:<br/>First, even though it is Star Wars related there are things that I have written in that are not exactly possible in the Star Wars universe (it is fiction of course).</p>
<p>Second, this story is intended for 18+ and there may be things that are triggering to some. TW are posted below 💗</p>
<p>Lastly, this is going to be a pretty slow burn. Like REALLY slow. We will get there I promise!! But it will take time and it will be SO worth it.</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy it as much as I have been!</p>
<p>**** <br/>TW: <br/>- GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE<br/>- TALK/ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH<br/>- EMOTIONAL ABUSE<br/>- UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP<br/>- ANGST<br/>- SEXUAL CONTENT</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You awake to the warmth of the morning sun on your skin. Immediately welcoming the feeling with a smile. It had rained every day in the past week, full on down pours that left your clothes drenched and covered in mud splatters every time you stepped outside.</p><p>You normally didn't mind the rain. In fact, it brought a feeling of comfort most of the time. But here it had rained more days than you had seen the sun, and the sound of rain hitting the tin roof of your temporary home dwindled any positive feelings you had once had towards it.</p><p>It also didn't help that they had turned into thunderstorms almost single every night. Consistently waking you from your sleep every hour drenched in sweat as you feared the worst. There was no way you could relax when storms like those brought back memories you didn't want to think about.</p><p>Chaos evolved in that kind of weather.<br/>And you couldn't take much more mayhem.</p><p>You rolled over into the sheets around you. Your mind embracing the brightness in the room even if your eyes didn't want to. <br/>Forcing them open, allowing them to adjust around your room as your mind and body woke up for the day.</p><p>If you didn't already have commitments you would have continued to lay there. Enjoying every moment of the bliss you were having.</p><p>But you knew from looking at your watch it was time to get up and get going.</p><p>A heavy sigh left your lips as you forced yourself out of the bed to stand. You walk into the bathroom and turn on the light, the bright bulb illuminating your reflection in the mirror.</p><p>Your hair was slightly curled from sleeping with it wet through the night and the dark bags under your eyes showing just how exhausted you were, matching the lingering feeling inside of you.</p><p>Even though you had slept better last night than you had in weeks, thankfully without any nightmares or middle of the night wakings that couldn't fall back asleep from, the last month had taken a toll on you.</p><p>Who were you kidding, the last decade hadn't been much better. You were wearing thin and it showed.</p><p>A lump in the back of your throat began to creep as you reminisced on the events you had endured recently. So much had been lost and the days were starting to feel hopeless.</p><p>You weren't sure who was alive and who wasn't. All you knew is that you were alone. Hiding out in a place that deemed to be your safest option.</p><p>You had no idea of how things would go from here. From what you were told through voices here and there was that the Resistance was gone and it would be naive to think they would ever be able to pull back together after what had happened.</p><p>The First Order had won. <br/><em>He</em> had won.</p><p>But even with all the talk you couldn't allow yourself to think that way. Your family always emerged from terrible times such as these. You had confidence it wasn't the end. It couldn't be.</p><p> </p><p>You quickly force down the lump in your throat and look away from the mirror. You didn't have time to get into your feelings right now. You had things to get done.</p><p>You quickly pull hair into a half updo bun before washing your face and brushing your teeth. Then making your way back into the main room. Pulling out the only clean clothes you had left from the dresser, immediately realizing you finally needed to do the laundry you had been putting off.</p><p>
  <em>Of course.</em>
</p><p>You let out another heavy sigh as you added one more thing onto your to do list for the day. You finish getting ready and began stuffing the few pieces of clothing you had into a mesh bag, tossing it over your shoulder along with your carrying bag. <br/>Your stomach was beginning to rumble so you decided to grab a pear off of the counter before making your way out of the hut.</p><p>You walk slowly toward the center of the town munching on the sweet fruit. Your leisurely pace was mostly due to the muddy grounds beneath you that only allowed you to go so fast, but also because you weren't looking forward to going to the farm.</p><p>You thought about the deal you had made with Alecco a week after you had decided to remain here on Nuddini:</p><p> </p><p>"Please," you begged him after seeing how obvious it was that he didn't want to help you, "I just need a little money to make it for the next few months. I have nothing, You know that. I can work. I have some experience with crops and I'm a fast learner! I just need a little help until I can get out of here."</p><p>He had been hesitant of even speaking to you after the attack on D'Qar, knowing doing so would put him at risk.</p><p>You had known him for years and worked with him in numerous trades between the two planets many times, but even then his hesitation wasn't surprising.</p><p>The First Order was said to be everywhere lately. Everyone was on edge at all times.</p><p>But your pleas to him only meant well, he knew your history and even though he knew he shouldn't help you, he wasn't the type of person that could allow you to suffer even more.</p><p>"Okay" He gave in "you can work on the farm a few days a week. I'll pay you what I can and give you some food to get you by."</p><p>Your eyes immediately lit up as relief ran through you.</p><p>"There is a small hut about a mile away from here. It's brown with a red roof. Here is the key" he softly spoke as he handed the copper colored key to you.</p><p>"You can stay there until you get back on your feet. That's it. And then you need to leave. Do you understand?" He cautioned you.</p><p>The look he was giving was sincere but you knew he was questioning if what he was doing was a good idea.</p><p>Your faced beaming as you thanked him over and over. He nodded, his eyes heavy with worry. No doubt for himself, but also for you.</p><p>This was a risk for everyone involved.</p><p> </p><p>You were grateful for everything he had done for you, but still as your made your way toward his market, the thought of how hard you would be working once again didn't sound appealing. <br/>Especially on such a beautiful day.</p><p>You finally reached the market door and opened it. Walking behind the counter and sitting both of your bags underneath. You looked at the dirty clothes in the bag, taking note that you needed to get them done during your break or tomorrow you'd regret it.</p><p>Alecco rounded the corner at the same time you went to head to the back. He greeted you with a pleasant smile. He also looked tired.</p><p>You smile back, mentioning the weather in hopes of cheering him up. His eyes lit up a bit and he began expressing how grateful he was for the clear skies, even though he wasn't sure how long it would last.</p><p>Your eyes caught the basket of homemade bread in his hands. You figured it would be best to let him get back to what he was doing and make yourself get to the work you were putting off.</p><p>You wished him well before walking through the hallway he had just come from and out into the garden.</p><p>A few hours had passed by much slower than you hoped they would. The muscles in your back and arms ached as you went to stand.</p><p>Three weeks into doing this job and you still couldn't find a way to make your body accustomed to the pain. A part of you regretted lying to him about your so-called gardening skills.</p><p>Back on D'Qar the only time you ever touched soil and seeds was once when you were nine. Your mother had given you a dozen Everlilies to plant outside near the pond. Excitement ran through you as you thought about the beautiful flowers blooming in the space you spent most of your time.</p><p>Vividly remembering the way the dirt stuck into your nails and the smell of the earth around you as you dug deep into it.</p><p>Dropping in the seeds in and covering them up with the soil, your eagerness depleting with each second that passed as the feeling of your dirty hands began to get to you. You barely gave the spot another look before sticking your hands into the pond to rinse off. <br/>Even at 9 you knew that this wasn't your forte.</p><p>But here you are, 17 years later, hair matted to your forehead and chin from sweat. Your entire body drenched in sweat radiating with the same earthy smell you hated.</p><p>Noon was approaching, which was the time you normally took your break. The feeling of thirst stinging your throat. You made your way back inside to wash your hands and grab a glass of cold water, gulping it down instantly. Your throat immediately thanking you.</p><p>You set the glass into the sink and begin walking to the front to grab your clothes. As soon as you rounded the corner, your body crashed into someone else's.</p><p>You pulled back to find Alecco in front of you, the color faded from his face.</p><p>"I'm so-" you began to apologize but he cut you off.</p><p>"The First Order is here," He shouted "They're searching all over for rebels. Y/N you need to get out of here now!"</p><p>His warning was both for your own safety and his. Your blood ran cold as you registered what he had just said. Alarm bells going off inside your head and you knew what you needed to do.</p><p>It was time to go.</p><p>You rushed to the front counter and grabbing your bag, quickly pulling out your knife and placing it in your boot for easy access. You threw the bags over your shoulder and made your way back around.</p><p>Alecco was still standing where you left him, his hand rubbing at his arm as he nervously watched your movements. His face showed you everything he wanted to say. You nodded and gave him a thankful look for everything he had done for you.</p><p>Turning and shuffling toward the door, you open it slowly, peeking out to make sure it was clear. It was. You hurry out making your way back in the direction of the hut.</p><p>Turning a corner you noted the Stormtroopers that came into your view from afar. They were moving around town barging into homes and stores throughout. Pushing yourself forward you continued on your route.</p><p>Your breath was shaky as you made your way through the trail,  looking in every direction as you rushed along to make sure you hadn't been noticed. Through your panic you began thinking about your plan for once you got to your destination.</p><p>You would grab whatever food and belongings you could before heading towards the shuttle. Knowing the distance from the hut to the wooded area where it was hidden was about a 5 minute run. You were silently thanking yourself for deciding to keep it instead of selling it for parts after the attack. Hiding it seemed like the most logical thing to do at the time and it proved you right.</p><p>As you rush through the muddy grass once again, your mind was racing trying to decide where you to go. Naboo seemed to be the best option. You remember General Leia talking about the planet multiple times before. But the fear that the First Order had already taken base there was creeping inside of your head. You quickly pushed the feeling down, knowing it was the only option you had at the moment.</p><p>You were almost back to the hut, rounding a corner just near the creek, when you saw it.</p><p>Your stomach dropped as the massive command shuttle filled your vision. Along with other smaller ships spread out within the field you were just about to sprint through.</p><p>Stormtroopers positioned all around standing guard. Others walking back and forth in search of what they were here for. <br/>You or anyone like you.</p><p>A month ago seeing any of this you wouldn't have second guessed getting the hell out of here, but after everything that had occurred your judgement was lacking and resentment took its place.</p><p>You glared at the scene before you. Heat rising and in your chest with every second that passed. You hated them. You wanted nothing more than to see them all dead. To pay for what they did. For what he did.</p><p>Clenching your fists as a glimpse of his face passes through your mind. Immediately shaking your head.</p><p>
  <em>No. We are not doing this right now.</em>
</p><p>It had been years since you had last seen him up close or heard the sound of his voice. The images in your head were faded from time. <br/>You knew he wasn't Ben anymore.</p><p>He made that clear the moment he chose the dark side. The damage he had done, abandoning his family, changing his name. The galaxy now knew him as Kylo Ren.</p><p>A slight lump caught in your throat as you fought back the emotions that were beginning to rise. Your mind begging you to move knowing you were running out of time. You needed to get out of here and you needed to do it now.</p><p>But just as you start to go another way back towards the hut, a black figure coming out of the ship catches your eye and the hair on your neck rises.</p><p>You mind knew it was him without even having to look back to confirm, and you couldn't help yourself as you turn toward the darkness.</p><p>Your breathing erratic as you process the sight of him about a mile away. Clenching your jaw tightly as you watch him exit the railing.</p><p>He was wearing his signature outfit you had heard so much about.</p><p>All black attire from head to toe, robes that hung to his boots, and a mask over his face that gave you an uneasy feeling.</p><p>He turned his head left and then right as if he was scanning the area around him. Your mind now screaming at you to get the hell out of there.</p><p>But your body is rushing with adrenaline as if it were ready to attack.</p><p>"Monster in a mask" is what they call him and it suited him well. He is a monster.</p><p>After everything he had done and was continuing to do, you despised everything about him.</p><p>An unfamiliar feeling began to build inside of you as your eyes remained on him.</p><p>It was more than anger, it was fury. You wanted him dead. </p><p>You wanted him to suffer just like he had made everyone else suffer. You wanted payback.</p><p>Just as the thought ran through your mind, his mask turns in your direction. The sinking feeling in your stomach returned. He knew you were there.</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>He had probably known the whole time and you were standing here wasting time that you could have been running. Your world spinning as fear and rage fought with one another inside of you.</p><p>You knew in that moment that this was your chance. You would bring down the mighty Kylo Ren. You had nothing left to lose.</p><p>It was a bold move that would most likely result in the cruelest of deaths, but he was worth it. You hated him more than anyone else and if you didn't do it now you'd never get the opportunity again. You didn't care about the past or the memories you had once shared with him. You were too livid to give a damn.</p><p>Dropping your bags, your body moving before your mind processed what you were doing. Your feet rushing beneath you as you charged in his direction.</p><p>Kylo remained still, his masked gaze directly on you.</p><p>You weren't interested in the stormtroopers that were beginning to notice you, shouting to warn the others. You were focused on him.</p><p>You were halfway to him when two troopers step in front of you, bringing you to slow your movements and taking it as an opportunity to grab for your knife.</p><p>Rushing toward them, you kick the one on the left in the stomach pushing him backwards. Your hand that was gripping the knife swung in the opposite direction, plunging it into the other ones leg. A painful shriek filled your ears as he dropped to the ground.</p><p>More of them began to approach. Their weapons pointing at you in every direction. Your heart pounding furiously in your chest as you began to realize that this was it. You were about to die.</p><p>Looking behind the stormtroopers ahead, your eyes caught Kylo's mask again. He hadn't moved from the spot he was in, his focus still remaining on you. You watch him intently, wanting him to see you as he ordered for them to take your life. Hoping if he was capable of feeling any sense of guilt, he would.</p><p>You notice his mask tilt slightly as he observed you. The need to scream out at him was raging inside of you. Knowing that behind that mask was someone you used to call a friend.</p><p>Someone you laughed with and confided in. Someone that opened your eyes to the the importance of the force and it's abilities.</p><p>You and him had spent years learning from one another and supporting each other in the most vulnerable moments. But you knew that person was gone and the creature standing in your field of view was just pure evil.</p><p>The stormtroopers ahead of you began to click at their weapons safety, a shiver running through you as you waited for the inevitable.</p><p>And then he spoke.</p><p>"Lower your weapons," His deep altered voice boomed.</p><p>On beat every one of them lowered their blasters in unison. An uneasiness came over you at the sight and once again as he began to walk forward heading towards you.</p><p>Your legs feel stiff as he moves closer to you, but you remain tall. Continuing to stand your ground.</p><p>You had thought of this moment for years, imagining all of the things you would say to him if you ever came face to face. But now that it was happening your mind was blank. Your bravery dwindling with every step closer he got.</p><p>He stopped about a foot away, towering over you just as he always did. Only now his array was more frightening and less friendly than you remembered.</p><p>Your face mirrored into his mask. Your breathing heavy and uneven as you tried to figure out what your next step was.</p><p>Do you try to attack him again and face whatever repercussion would come your way? Or keep your silence just as he was keeping his, showing him you weren't intimidated by him like he wanted you to be.</p><p>Suddenly your name escapes his lips, catching you by surprise. Your jaw clenching tightly as you tried to hold down the emotions that were begging to break free. He remembered you.</p><p>
  <em>Of course he did, but that doesn't matter.</em>
</p><p>You had a goal. You needed to focus. You needed this to end.</p><p>Immediately you brought your knife up, swinging it in his direction. He was quicker, dodging your attempt to strike him. The two of you now moving in a shifty circle. You went at him again and he avoided it once more. You grunt out in frustration as you quickly grow tired of him not fighting back.</p><p>He had always done this when the two of you practiced years ago. You would move in to strike and he would steer clear of each movement, leaving you annoyed and over worked. It was his tactic, a good one, but infuriating.</p><p>This time you wanted him to fight back. You needed him too. You wanted to hurt him, just like he had hurt you.</p><p>As quick as the thought came so did his movements. Quick and fast, but you to kept up.</p><p>You had trained a lot over the years. Always wanting to be prepared for anything that came your way, especially a moment such as this. And right now you were proud because it showed.</p><p>No one took down the mighty Kylo Ren. But you were set on revenge and determined to get your payback.</p><p>You soon began to notice that he wasn't actually trying to hit you, which in return made you even more furious.</p><p>"Fight me you coward!" You spat.</p><p>He dodged another plunge of your weapon, leaving you stumbling for a brief second before standing back up.</p><p>His masked gaze turned around to face you, tilting his head once again, taunting you.</p><p>
  <em>Enough of this you asshole.</em>
</p><p>You lunge toward him, only inches from his chest before his hand suddenly catches your arm, squeezing it harshly as he forces the knife out of your hand. You watch in a panic as it flies across the muddy ground a few yards away.</p><p>You swing your free arm upwards to punch him, but just as quickly your feet were swept out from under you making you fall onto your back. You wince at the impact. Looking up to him as he reaches for the light saber on his hip.</p><p>He pulls it off and instantly the bright red blaze fills your vision, you pull back in fear.</p><p>He lowers it down to you. Your hands grasping at the ground as if you could somehow sink into it to escape his wrath.</p><p>With the saber only inches from your neck, you started to accept your fate for a second time. Even so, your emotions were too unbearable to control as the realization came that he had won yet again. </p><p>You began to cry.<br/>Not because you were scared of dying, but because you were sad. You had lost everything. He had taken everything from you. And there was no way to ever it get it back.</p><p>"You killed them," a wretched cry left your lips before you could register that you had, "You killed our family!"</p><p>Sobbing harder now, you knew you were a wreck but you didn't have the ability to care. Heartbreak and misery had got the better of you.</p><p>Through tear filled eyes you watch as his gloved hand tenses around the metal. The blazing heat stinging your skin, threatening to penetrate. His mask hid his face but you could feel his anger radiating through the air.</p><p>"They got what they deserved," he growled behind the mask. His voice full of hate.</p><p>You couldn't reply, your sobs wouldn't allow you to. Instead, you close your eyes waiting for your end.</p><p>A moment passes and nothing has happened. Yours eyes slightly opening to see him unmoving from his position above you. Sweat beading off of your forehead waiting for him strike.</p><p>All of a sudden, he retracts his saber and steps away from you. His deep modulated voice making you flinch as he spoke to the troopers.</p><p>"Detain her. She's coming with us"</p><p>Before you could react you were picked up off of he ground and pulled to your feet. You begin to protest, using your shoulder and arms to try to fight them off. There was way in hell you were getting on that ship and going anywhere with him.</p><p>"No! No! Ben plea-" you words cut off before you could finish. An invisible hold now around your body and throat, keeping you frozen in place and unable to breathe.</p><p>You look back at him and knew exactly what what was happening. He was using the force onyou. The troopers behind you instantly backing away, allowing him to do what he needed to.</p><p>In hind sight it wasn't a good idea to call him by his previous name, but you were in a vulnerable state and wanted him to hear you. <br/>The real him.</p><p>You tense beneath his invisible hold as he makes three long powerful strides up to you. Your body trying to recoil back but the force wouldn't allow it.</p><p>His massive frame now standing just inches away from you as you fought for air.</p><p>"Ben Solo is dead!" he roared through the mask sending chills running down your spine. <br/>“And If you ever say that name again, you are going to wish you would have perished with the others."</p><p>He continued to peer down at you for what seemed like years as you struggled beneath his powers, your mind and body begging for relief. </p><p>He slowly turned back around. Thankfully, his hold on you let go as he starts to walk away towards the ship. Your body slumps down onto the ground. A weak cry exits your mouth at the impact but also from relief that you the hold was gone.</p><p>The ability to breath is the only thing on your mind as the troopers come behind you and pick you back up. They have to drag you along due to your feet being unable to keep up with their pace as you they pull you into the ship.</p><p>Within seconds you are pushed down into a seat. Your hands cuffed in front of you and connected to the floor between your legs. You barely have time to compose yourself from what you had just gone through, when the doors hissed shut and the ship begins to move.</p><p>As you try to control your breathing, you take in your surroundings and the realization that you are being taken as a prisoner by the First Order starts to sink in.</p><p>You never expected this as an option. <br/>You knew the moment before you approached him that you would most likely end up dead if you had defeated him or not, but to be taken never crossed your mind.</p><p>Your mind racing at the reasoning behind his motives. You didn't understand.</p><p>But Knowing who he was now, you knew he was capable of anything and that terrified you more than death.</p><p>You glance around the ship toward the troopers standing in their designated spaces. They were motionless. Robotic looking. Your eyes move over to the pilots window, focusing on the stars that were quickly flying by.</p><p>You had flown more times than you could count. It was something that you had always loved to do even as a little girl.</p><p>Your mother was one of the best fliers within the resistance, commanding almost every flight that was needed to maintain everyone's safety. You had always admired the way her passion for what she did revealed itself every time she took off.</p><p>So much so, that even after her death you felt yourself develop that same devotion and enjoyment she once had. Every time you flew you were taken back by the beauty of the stars. How bright and captivating they were. </p><p><br/>But this time was different.</p><p>The stars were passing by quicker than you wanted them to. Knowing that the destination wasn't something to look forward to.</p><p>You gulp down hard, your sweaty fingers digging into your black pants, awaiting whatever was in store for you.</p><p>A feeling suddenly comes over you. At first you weren't sure what it was, but then you caught onto it.</p><p>You felt him.</p><p>He was trying to push himself inside of your head, trying to read your thoughts. The feeling wasn't strong but it was enough to get your attention. You immediately begin putting up a wall to block him out.</p><p>Even before he had left the two of you practiced blocking in your mind. It was something he had insisted you learn and it allowed him practice with probing. You being the friend you were, agreed.</p><p>For weeks on end he taught you how to place the first layer, describing it as bricks. You would place one and add to it over and over until it was tall and firm enough to keep him out. It took almost a year of practicing but you finally got it down just in time before he made the choice to go stay with Luke at the temple. You still remember how proud the two of you were and the smile he gave you after you did it.</p><p>You continued to practice during your meditation over the years, wanting to be sure if the time ever came you would be prepared. <br/>Now it had.</p><p>The feeling left and you knew your skill worked. Immediately looking around searching for him. You hadn't seen him since he walked into the ship ahead of you and once you were inside your mind was focused more on the shackles being placed on your wrist than looking for the asshole responsible.</p><p>Your eyes scanning over an area you hadn't noticed before, catching the darkness of his clothing.</p><p>
  <em>There you are fucker.</em>
</p><p>He was sitting in a chair still as can be, facing in your direction. The black and silver mask making him look less like a human, but that was the point.</p><p>You shift in the metal seat and force yourself to  look away. Knowing that staring too long would only make things worse, for many reasons.</p><p>You focus remained on the floor in front of you and didn't look back up until the ship had reached its destination.</p><p>Starkiller base.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Whatever It Takes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You find out the reason behind why you are taken and don’t intend to go along with what Kylo has planned.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your cuffs were undone just as quickly as they were put on. Even with the shakiness of your hands pulling at the metal, the stormtrooper handling them didn't seem fazed. He places his hand around the middle of your arm and yanks you upwards to stand.</p>
<p>Just as before, another stormtrooper took position on the opposite side and you were led off of the ship.</p>
<p>Your eyes taking in your surroundings as fast as they could as you are hauled throughout the hangar. Gasping at the plethora of starships and tie fighters stationed all throughout the large area.</p>
<p>People were everywhere. Workers in dark suits, more stormtroopers, inspectors alongside the ships, and him.</p>
<p>Your attention was pulled to his black robes just ahead. His heavy footsteps hurtling through the space. With each step he took the sound around you seemed to dissipate. Looking to see if your mind was playing tricks on you, you immediately notice the reactions of the workers as they observed him. Eyes all around focusing on his movements as their own stilled out of a sense of caution.</p>
<p>It was evident that they feared him. His own people seemed to afraid to even breath in the same room as him. All walking on egg shells in his presence.</p>
<p>And yet, you didn't even hesitate going after him just over an hour ago.</p>
<p>Kylo rounded a corner of the hangar and stopped, turning around to face you and the stormtroopers that were tightly gripping at your arms. Without hesitation they did the same. Waiting for his command.</p>
<p>"Bring her to the interrogation room,"" he demanded before turning back in the other direction once again and walking away.</p>
<p>"Yes sir," they both reply in unison even though he was already far ahead.</p>
<p>They began pulling you in the opposite direction of where Kylo had just gone. You swallow nervously as you imagined where you were heading.</p>
<p>Your body shaking as you were escorted throughout numerous hallways. Unable to register the faces you passed, but took note of the matching dark blue and black attire they wore. As well as, the endless amount of stormtroopers guarding throughout. All of them holding weapons, ready for anything to come their way.</p>
<p>It was unreal the amount of power they seemed to have. You knew the resistance was no measure in weaponry against the First Order even before seeing it all, but the revelation of it in front of you made you nauseous. You all had been sitting ducks the entire time.</p>
<p>You and the stormtroopers rounded a corner. Two more came into view, positioned at another entryway.</p>
<p>None of them spoke as you all crossed paths, only the sound of the door sliding open filled the hallway, just before you were pulled through into the vacant area.</p>
<p>There was no cease in their steps as they continue to tow you along down the hallway towards a dark gray door. As you all reached it one of the troopers placed his badge in front of the the wall scanner authorizing the the door to open, revealing the room ahead.</p>
<p>They push you into the cold white walled space. A large metal chair sat in the center. You are only allowed a glance before they shove you into it, holding down your arms as they place metal locks around your wrists yet again.</p>
<p>The sudden urge to fight them off came as panic surged through you. Even though you knew it wouldn't change the outcome, it was the only thing you could think to do. Shaking your arms violently as you rocked forward trying to maneuver out of the seat.</p>
<p>They didn't seem bothered by your lashing out as they lock you in place with ease.They had probably done this hundreds of times and you most likely weren't the first to try to resist.</p>
<p>Your heart hammering in your chest as they head back to the door to exit the room. Your anger rising with every step they took.</p>
<p>"You fucking assholes! Let me out!"</p>
<p>You pull at your wrists trying to force them out of the metal restraints, but your attempts were futile. Grunting out in frustration as you realize you weren't leaving this chair until someone wanted you out of it.</p>
<p>The urge to laugh made itself present, causing you to press your lips tightly together to suppress it.</p>
<p>It was ridiculous to find any of this funny, especially when there was alikely possibility you would die where you were sitting. Still, a small part of you couldn't help to find the humor in your current situation.</p>
<p>You tried to kill him.</p>
<p>You went after the strongest man in the galaxy, as if you even stood a chance, and now you were strapped into a chair waiting for whatever the hell he has planned for you.</p>
<p>Maybe laughing was your body's way of trying to keep yourself together. <br/>Or you were just insane.</p>
<p>The second option seemed more fitting considering what exactly led you to this moment to begin with.</p>
<p>The sound of the door opening cut off your thoughts, bringing your full attention to it. You stare anxiously as Kylo walks into the room immediately focusing on you.</p>
<p>You tense in the seat beneath you as you examine him. His robes were gone but the mask and other black attire remained. Without the robes you were now able to see the details of his broad frame. His massive figure was almost as tall as the door frame itself.</p>
<p>Your heart racing as you become fully aware that you were in such a small space with him and your bound wrists left you no way to defend yourself. He was the most powerful man in the galaxy, the cuffs weren't necessary but they proved a point. He was in control.</p>
<p>You try to calm yourself. Manipulating your heavy breathing to slow down and pressing your hands into fists. It was a feeble attempt, but you needed him to know you didn't fear him like he wanted you to.</p>
<p>He slowly began to approach you, stopping just inches away from you. His attention remaining steady on your glare. You peered into the black mask knowing exactly what hid behind it.</p>
<p>The silence between the two of you was beginning to feel heavy. Feeling yourself becoming annoyed as each second passed, waiting for something to happen.</p>
<p>Finally he spoke, "You wanted to kill me today" his distorted voice making you jump slightly.</p>
<p>You didn't reply. It wasn't a question.</p>
<p>Your focus remained on his mask, examining all of the details. Noting the similarities of it and his grandfather Darth Vader. Was that his intention?</p>
<p>"Murder? That's not like you," he pulled you away from your thoughts once again.</p>
<p>He wasn't wrong.The thought of killing was never something you enjoyed, even when it seemed to be justified. You had always made it clear that you didn't believe taking a life would resolve anything. Even after your mother's death you never held ill intent towards anyone</p>
<p>But years of losing the people you cared about had changed you. <br/>He had changed you.</p>
<p>"You don't know anything about me."</p>
<p>"I know that even if you had the chance you wouldn't have done it," his tone cold.</p>
<p>"Is that what you think?" A grin appearing on your face, "Why don't you take these cuffs off and we will go for round two."</p>
<p>Your fingers now digging into your palms hard enough to break skin.</p>
<p>He stood there unmoving. Silence filled the room again. You hated this, the waiting, not knowing what he was thinking or wanting from all of this.</p>
<p>Suddenly, his hands caught your attention as they reached up to the sides of his mask. A soft hiss soon echoed in the room and you watch keenly as he lifts it off of his head, revealing his true self.</p>
<p>Your eyes swiftly examining the familiar face before you. Your breath catching slightly as you took in the same dark brown eyes you had spent looking at years ago. Everything about him was just as your remembered, with a slight bit of age and a lot more rage in place of where his smile should be.</p>
<p>Even with the evil that came along with everything he did, you couldn't deny how beautiful he was.</p>
<p>His eyes examining you as if he was waiting for you to finish your assessment. You look away, knowing that staring any longer would only bring back memories you didn't want to think about.</p>
<p>His natural voice rang through the room, sending chills through your body as the familiarity brought back a time you longed for.</p>
<p>"The last time we spoke this closely, you were helping me pack for the temple after Leia had finally gave up on her incessant need to control everything I did," he recalled.</p>
<p>You looked back at him, eyebrows creasing at his words.</p>
<p>
  <em>Leia? Was it that hard for him to acknowledge his own mother?</em>
</p>
<p>You thought back to that night. It was one that went through your head more times than you could count. Constantly questioning yourself on if you could have said or done something differently that would have made him choose to stay.</p>
<p>You knew he was struggling trying to accept who he was and what he was destined to be become. Never feeling like he was measuring up to his parents expectations.</p>
<p>There were numerous times you had talk him out of his rage and try to get him understand that what he was feeling wasn't true.</p>
<p>But that night something was different.</p>
<p>He had told you about going to stay with Luke at the temple and you sensed the hope in him. Leia never wanted him to leave, but she never explained to him why that was.</p>
<p>It wasn't until later on that you found out she had felt the darkness looming around him from an early age.<br/>But she kept it to herself, afraid she would lose him faster if he found out. She had hope that he would overcome the darkness. Allowing the light to take control and fight off whatever demons he was dealing with.</p>
<p>After almost a year of him begging her to stay with Luke at the Jedi Temple, hoping he would learn the things she didn't have time to teach him, she reluctantly agreed. <br/>You tried to sound reassuring as you hugged him goodbye but you had a feeling that once he left he wouldn't come back.</p>
<p>And you were right.</p>
<p>Now you were pinned in front of a man that was nothing like the boy you used to know.</p>
<p>"I remember," you responded bitterly, "looking back now I wish I would have agreed with her and told you not to go. Then maybe.." you paused, knowing that saying too much wasn't a good idea.</p>
<p>A smile formed on his face.</p>
<p>Unwanted butterflies making an appearance in your stomach as it did. You looked to your hands needing to focus on something else. It had been far too long since you had seen that smile and you had forgotten just how much you truly missed it. But soon the realization set in, his smile wasn't meant as kindness.</p>
<p>He was being an ass.</p>
<p>"I am exactly who I was meant to be. No one could have changed my fate y/n," his deep voice boasted.</p>
<p>You hated when he said your name. Despising the way it sent chills throughout your entire body and the way it left his mouth so smoothly. His calmness about all of this was irritating you.</p>
<p>"Oh I forgot, your soul searching mission was what led you to find the dark side," you mocked him.</p>
<p>He face fell flat and his body tensing at the sound of your sarcasm. Leaning forward, he placed his gloved hands on the sides of the chair next to your arms. Your body pushing back in hopes of keeping any amount of distance.</p>
<p>"Y/N, I am the dark side," he warned.</p>
<p>His eyes fixated on yours as if they're were trying to burn a hole through your skull. You stared up at him wide eyed, struggling to keep your composure as fear began to rush through you.</p>
<p>You knew the dark had consumed him throughout all these years. But a small part of you didn't want to accept it. The thought of doing so was terrifying. The Dark side was sadistic and malicious. You didn't want that for him.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the person he used to be was no where in this room.</p>
<p>As you continue your gaze on the familiar face above you, every passing second it seemed to feel as if it wasn't recognizable anymore. A sinking feeling grew inside of you, and you were beginning to regret your decision of coming back into his presence.</p>
<p>"Why did you bring you me here?" you forced the question out. Knowing he could have easily killed you back on Nudinni. You had no purpose here. You are nothing more than a waste of his time.</p>
<p>A slight sigh left his lips and he stood up straight.</p>
<p>"Given your history with the resistance and intel you have on the inside, you will be useful to the First Order," he indicated.</p>
<p>"You will play a substantial role in assisting to their downfall. Once and for all."</p>
<p>The last words left his mouth in a tone so harsh that made your skin crawl.</p>
<p>Your mind began to race at his admission.</p>
<p>He was planning to use you to to hurt them. To help end the only family you've ever had.</p>
<p>Tears began to pool in your eyes as you struggled to grasp what was happening.</p>
<p>"No," you responded hastily, pulling your eyes to meet his, shaking your head in rejection.</p>
<p>"I'm not giving you anything!"</p>
<p>"You must have forgotten y/n," his brows furrowing together, "I don't need your permission."</p>
<p>He slowly squatted in front of you. His face now directly across from yours.</p>
<p>"I can take whatever I want, you know that. And I am going to get what I need out of you today," His dark eyes scanning over your body until they locked into yours again. "How much pain you endure though, is up to you."</p>
<p>The intimidation tactic he was using was working. Your fear beginning to build even more as you understood what he meant. He was going to use the force to try to get inside of your head again. To try and drive out all of the information he needed to use it against the resistance.</p>
<p>The panic you were feeling wasn't for yourself, it was for them. It was for the entire alliance and any allies along the way. You had become close with Leia and the command squad through the years. The conversations, proposals, the faces of all of those involved.</p>
<p>You had too much information that would be detrimental for them to get ahold of.</p>
<p>You couldn't allow him to get it and you were going to fight like hell to keep him out your head.</p>
<p>Looking at him again, your face firm, hands clenched tightly onto the  arms of the chair. You were preparing for what was about to come.</p>
<p>He watched your movements and understood what you were doing. A slight twitch under his eye exposing his rising anger.</p>
<p>"This will hurt," he growled as his gloved hand quickly came into your view.</p>
<p>It was the last thing you saw before your world was flooded with pain.</p>
<p>Excruciating pain.</p>
<p>It was all you could feel or think about. Coursing throughout your entire body, burning inside of your head. Ripping apart at your brain. Everything was black, until flashes in your mind of pure evil began trying to break through. You could hear screaming but were unsure if it was your own. Throughout it all, you continued to focus on the barrier in your mind. Building it up over and over even as he pushed in harder. You knew you were strong enough to fight him off. You just needed to focus.</p>
<p>Then, it stopped.</p>
<p>Your body trying to relax as the pain coursing through you began to dissolve. Panting hard as your vision slowly restored. Your mind feeling like mush as you came to and began remembering what was happening.</p>
<p>The hard metal chair. The straps around your wrists. The darkness before you.</p>
<p>The darkness.</p>
<p><em>Kylo</em>.</p>
<p>His demeanor had changed from earlier. Through your watery eyes you could see his anger was now turning into rage. He didn't like the fact that you had fought him and were successful.</p>
<p>A slight laugh escaped your trembling lips, "You still proud of me?"</p>
<p>His eyes narrowed onto yours.</p>
<p>"You will give me what I want," his deep voice thick with warning, "or I will rip your mind apart until you do."</p>
<p>Lifting his hand to your head again you immediately felt the most horrid pain run through. This time was much worse than before. You weren't sure if it was because he was pushing harder or that you were growing weaker.</p>
<p>Feeling like hours had passed as the torment progressed, you continued keeping your guard up. You had to. You needed to fight it even if it kills you. Pushing back harder, letting out deep scream as you did, when he pulled out of your head again.</p>
<p>A growl escaping his throat as he stepped back. Eyeing over your visibly weakened state. His eyes full of rage and his body tense.</p>
<p>He looked absolutely terrifying.</p>
<p>Your breathing was heavy and uneven as you tried to recover from the second round of his assaults on your mind. Your body begging you for relief, but you couldn't give in. No matter how bad it hurt.</p>
<p>"You are so fucking stubborn!" he spat, watching you suffering in front of him "You would choose to die for people that do not give a fuck about you. You're pathetic."</p>
<p>He was trying to provoke you. Make you question yourself. You weren't going to do that.</p>
<p>"Fu-fuck you," you forced out through your shaky breathing.</p>
<p>He came closer to you, bringing his fingers to your chin. You wince as he tightly grasps it and pulls upwards forcing you to look at him.</p>
<p>"You know I'm right," his gloved finger squeezed tighter on the delicate area,  "Not a single one of them would take your place right now to help you. They aren't coming to save you. Your family is no where to be found. It's just you and me."</p>
<p>You quickly process what he said, knowing he was wrong. Any one of them would do the same thing in your place.</p>
<p>
  <em>Wouldn't they?</em>
</p>
<p>The guilt seeped in from the thought. His hand left your chin and went back to your head. You let out a cry as you braced what was about to come. Your body straining in the chair as he once again used the force to pursue his attack into your mind.</p>
<p>He knew he was breaking you, that's why he kept pushing. Each time was ruining the energy and spirit you had to fight against him. You also knew a part of him enjoyed seeing you fall apart before him. Every tear that fell, each wince as he came close to you, every scream of terror as he tried to enter your mind. <br/>He was relishing in your pain.</p>
<p>His hand left once again.</p>
<p>Tears pouring down your face. Your body twitching as your muscles tried to combat with the stress going on throughout.</p>
<p>He was leaning down in front of you now, eyes level with yours, studying you as you tried to compose yourself.</p>
<p>"Let me in and all of this pain will be gone,"he said in a low, seemingly caring voice.</p>
<p>You could barely open your eyes at this point. Your energy almost depleted. You knew you didn't want to die, unsure of how much more agony you could take at this point.</p>
<p>Your mind was torn.</p>
<p>But even with every inch of you begging for this to stop, you still couldn't allow people to be slaughtered all due to your own weakness.</p>
<p>Tears falling full force now from your heavy eyes. Your lips trembling. Forcing yourself to speak the words even if you weren't completely sure you wanted to.</p>
<p>"I can't."</p>
<p>Your voice weak, but it rang through his ears like sirens. He didn't give you a chance to react as he hit the back of the chair just inches from you.</p>
<p>"Goddamnit!" He screamed out in frustration as both of his hands made their way to each side of your head.</p>
<p>"Plea-" was all you could make out before the pain was back.</p>
<p>You could immediately tell that this time was different as it swept throughout your entire body. It felt as if he was using his entire strength to rip through the already fragile walls inside of your mind. You tried giving it your all but began feeling yourself crumbling beneath him. Letting out a scream, begging for him to stop. He didn't. He kept going. Pushing you harder. Your heart racing at unreal pace. Your body felt like it was going to rip in half as the pain rushed through you stronger than ever before.</p>
<p>Then, it happened.</p>
<p>A flash of a memory crossed your mind and you knew he was breaking through. A soft whimper left your lips as another image came, and then another.</p>
<p>"There it is. Don't fight it," He eagerly spoke from above.</p>
<p>You try to stop them as they were pulled out but failed. Your mind and body were too weak.</p>
<p>Your friends and family, the place you once called home. It was all being brought to light in front of him. He went deeper, exposing the bases, the faces of those involved, the plans. He went further, tapping into your emotions. The guilt you held onto, the feeling of failure you had after the attack at the base, the hatred inside of you for the First Order, your hatred for him, as well as the sense of hope you still had for him. He was getting everything.</p>
<p>He'd won, once again.</p>
<p>As quickly as it happened, it stopped. <br/>You let out a slight gasp as your body slumped into the chair. You were dizzy, struggling to come to. Your body and mind aching in a way you had never felt before.</p>
<p>His heavy boots stepped away from you.</p>
<p>You groan out in both pain and sadness as you realized what you just done.</p>
<p>Forcing yourself to lift your head as tears continued streaming down your face. Your energy struggling to make its way back.</p>
<p>He looks back to you, it’s evident that he is thinking of something as he processed all of the information he had just taken from you.</p>
<p>You didn't have the ability to speak. If you could you would have called him every name in the book, but your anger was overshadowed by your weak state.</p>
<p>So instead, you just glare back as best as your eyelids allowed you.</p>
<p>He brought his gloved hand up to his jaw line, rubbing it tensely. Still focusing on you. Your eyes were growing heavier with each passing moment. Your body begging to sleep and regain some kind of relief.</p>
<p>All of a sudden, his voice rang out through the room as he called for the stormtroopers outside the door. They entered within seconds.</p>
<p>Listening as best as your ears and mind let you, you heard him give them orders to place you in a cell.</p>
<p>Before you knew it they were unlocking you from the chair and pulling you up, a soft whimper leaving your lips as theydid.</p>
<p>You were too weak to walk so your feet dangled on the floor as they dragged you out of the room.</p>
<p>Suddenly, you had an overwhelming urge to sleep that you didn't have the energy to fight off. Your body caving into the feeling, allowing your eyes to close, and drifting off within their grasps. All of your worries were gone.</p>
<p>For the moment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Bad Decisions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kylo isn’t done with you just yet and your mental state is a mess these days.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your mind felt distant as you began to wake.</p>
<p>A pounding in your head made itself known as you started making small movements. Your eyes remaining shut as you tried to maneuver your aching body on whatever uncomfortable object you were laying on. Wincing out as the pain in your wrists came back at full force.</p>
<p>You had only been able to focus on your discomfort when you began remembering the reason behind it all.</p>
<p>Images rushing through your mind of being locked into the chair. The immense pain flooding inside of you, ripping apart every inch of your mind as Kylo reached into your thoughts. Tearing you apart just as he warned he would.</p>
<p>Your chest rising and falling heavily as the panic built with every memory that came. You force your eyes open in hopes of stopping them. Thankfully they did and were now focusing on a new room that you were in. You blink rapidly allowing your tender eyes to adjust to more white walls as you lay sideways on a thin black pad that did nothing to help your tender muscles. Pulling your head slightly downwards, you see a metal door just a few feet away.</p>
<p>"<em>Place her in a cell</em>" <br/>His words heavy with irritation making their way back into your mind.</p>
<p>You were still a prisoner. <br/>You were still...alive.</p>
<p>
  <em>But why?</em>
</p>
<p>Your heart began pounding harder as you fought to understand what this meant. He had got what he wanted. He took all the information you had on the resistance and more. Why were you still here?</p>
<p>A sudden feeling came over you making you realize you weren't alone. Frantically turning over onto your back, you scan the rest of the room.</p>
<p>The white walls soon begin to clash with something dark along the opposite side of where you were laying.</p>
<p>It was Kylo.</p>
<p>You quickly pull yourself up into a sitting position. Your body immediately regretting the decision, but you ignore its plea to lay back down. Your eyes set on him, cautiously watching as he sat completely still in the corner.</p>
<p>Leaning forward, his dark wavy hair hanging against his face. His hands clenched together as his eyes focused directly on you. You glance at the mask on the table just inches away from him and then back to him again. If you hadn't noticed his slight movements in his chest you could have sworn he was a statue. The white walls amplifying his beautiful features, causing him to look almost peaceful.</p>
<p>You instantly push down the thought, reminding yourself that he was the exact opposite of that. He was a cold heartless monster.</p>
<p>He had broken you and had probably used the information he stole from your head for his own personal gain by now.</p>
<p>The anger inside of you rising faster than you could control as the thought of him executing what remained of your family passed in your mind. Your anger quickly turning into rage.</p>
<p>"You piece of shit!"</p>
<p>Jumping up off of the thin pad and onto your feet you attempt to charge at him but they fail you, giving out instantly.</p>
<p>You land harshly on your hands and knees in front of him. Clenching your teeth together, you take a deep breath to trying to control yourself. Holding back the tears that were pleading to fall. Frustration building inside of you as you realized once again your weakness was getting the better of you.</p>
<p>You look up to meet his gaze.</p>
<p>Other than a slight tilt of his head he hadn't moved. He was watching as you try not to fall apart before him.</p>
<p>Your mind screaming at you to get up, but you couldn't. Your body rejecting the movements. Your muscles begging for relief. You knew were going nowhere.</p>
<p>Sitting back onto your legs you wipe away the tears that had broken free. Keeping your eyes on him with a look that made it clear that you despise him.</p>
<p>By the slight turn of his lip you knew he acknowledged your feelings.</p>
<p>A heavy sigh leaves his lips as he pulls apart his gloved hands from one another, placing them onto his knees as he leans back in the chair.</p>
<p>"I forgot how unrelenting you can be," he taunted you.</p>
<p>"That makes two of us," you snap back, noting his drastic attempts of getting into your head.</p>
<p>His jaw tenses, "I warned you what would happen if you fought me. You should have listened. Your pride is too strong."</p>
<p>"My pride?" You scoff, "My pride isn't the one responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent people!" Your throat felt like pins and needles as you attempt to keep your temper at bay.</p>
<p>"Innocent?" Amusement in his tone.</p>
<p>"The last I checked, you and those rebel scum are guilty of killing hundreds of my people. The rebellion has just as much blood on their hands," he spoke sharply.</p>
<p>
  <em>He couldn't be serious.</em>
</p>
<p>"Guilty?! We were protecting ourselves!" You voice now shaking, matching the rest of your body.</p>
<p>"You can tell yourself whatever you like, but if you all would have done as you were told and bowed to the First Order there wouldn't have been a need for protection. And we wouldn't be here right now," he tone steady and but you could sense frustration in his words.</p>
<p>You narrow you eyes on him.</p>
<p>"We wouldn't be here if you weren't such an arrogant asshole," your hands grip at the fabric on your legs. It was taking everything inside of you to not try and strike him again.</p>
<p>His eyes glance back to yours as a warning.</p>
<p>You didn't care that you were making him angry. You want him angry. You want to get under his skin and make him feel how you feel.</p>
<p>"We both know you are just trying to be something your not," you sneer.</p>
<p>You wait for him to speak, hoping to provoke the bastard in front of you.</p>
<p>He didn't reply. Instead, his fists slowly clenching into a ball on the top of his thighs.</p>
<p>You roll your eyes.  Arguing with him was pointless and the only thing it was doing is causing your pain to amplify.</p>
<p>You turn your head, making it clear that you were finished with this conversation, or lack thereof.</p>
<p>Positive that he was going to keep trying to piss you off, you are surprised to find silence filling the room. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him reach and grab his mask. </p>
<p>You pull your head slightly back in that direction, watching curiously as he stands up and moves across the room to the door.</p>
<p>You keep your gaze on him as he pulls the hunk of metal up into both hands signaling he was going to put it on. But, just before he does his smooth voice echoes throughout the room.</p>
<p>"I always knew that one day you would be kneeling in front of me like this princess," he looks back at you with a smirk, "I just envisioned it would be for other purposes."</p>
<p>Your mouth drops at his remark and suddenly you forget how to breathe.</p>
<p>Before you can make out another word, he had already placed the mask over his head and was charging out of the room, the door sliding shut behind him. Leaving you alone.</p>
<p>
  <em>Thank the stars.</em>
</p>
<p>You take a deep breath trying to release some of the anger and tension you were holding in. It didn't help.</p>
<p>"Princess?" You say aloud to yourself, grimacing at the word.</p>
<p>You hated when he called you that stupid name. He knew it too, that's why he did it.</p>
<p>He was making sure that even with him gone, he was still getting under you skin.</p>
<p>
  <em>How the hell was he so good at being such a dick?</em>
</p>
<p>The feeling of your throbbing legs begging for relief beneath you quickly caught your attention.</p>
<p>You knew you needed to get up. Pulling your body forward you force yourself to stand, steadying your arm on the wall just beside you.</p>
<p>You stay there for a moment until you feel confident enough to move back to your new sleeping arrangement. Immediately, slumping down onto the thin cushion and resting your head back onto the wall.</p>
<p>You try to relax but your mind felt overloaded as it fought to focus on all of it; the pain, your family, your fate, him.</p>
<p>Anxiety running wild inside as your emotions took over. Pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth as the tears made their way back into your eyes. You didn't have the energy to cry right now. You were too exhausted.</p>
<p>Instead, you decide to lay down flat hoping it would ease some of your discomfort.</p>
<p>Focusing on the ceiling above you, you couldn't help but envision the stars. Trillions of bright dots glimmering above, imagining you are flying right next to them. Unsure of exactly where you want to go, but knowing wherever it was would be far away from here. <br/>The faces of your friends pass through your mind, bringing a smile across your face. <br/>As you briefly daydream, forcing your reality aside, a warm feeling inside you increases and you begin to realize what it is. It was hope.</p>
<p>Hope that they were safe and that one day you would be able to see the same grinning faces you were imagining so clearly.</p>
<p>As you continue lingering on your thoughts a new one began to form, one of Kylo. His entrancing stare on you as his words from moments before repeats in your mind. The tone of his voice sending chills throughout your body, along with an unwanted sensation between your legs.</p>
<p>You close your eyes tightly, trying to remove the vision. It helped, but as you open them to the dimly lit ceiling above, you can still feel his presence as if it never left the room.</p>
<p>You groan out, bringing your hands to your head and pressing them down firmly. You weren't sure of much right now, but one thing you were certain of is that you were not going to let him get to you.</p>
<p>He had already taken everything else. Your sanity was all you had left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The days passed slowly.</p>
<p>You assumed they were days by the fluctuation of the light brightness within the room and the routine of meals that you were given by an armed stormtrooper each day.</p>
<p>The first tray was always delivered a little while after the lights turned on full power and then another was brought in just a few hours before they dimmed again.</p>
<p>If you were right, you had been in this room for a week.</p>
<p>Thankfully within they time your pain had mostly subsided, other than a lingering headache you attributed to lack of sleep. Because no matter how exhausted you were, the thin black pad wasn't doing any justice.</p>
<p>It also didn't help that every sound you heard, wether it was inside of the cell or from somewhere else, made your anxiety soar. Allowing you no chance to rest.</p>
<p>Time was your enemy.</p>
<p>Hours seemed like seconds passing by and even though it had only been a week you were growing impatient waiting for whatever they had planned for you.</p>
<p>You needed to get out of here. If you didn't you you were positive that staring at these blinding unpigmented walls any longer was going to make you go insane.</p>
<p>You knew the idea was outrageous. <br/>This place was a fortress and even if you did somehow make it out of the room you were in, you had no idea of where to go afterwards. But no matter how hard you tried to force the thought away it came back.</p>
<p>Your restless nights had slowly turned into hours of plotting your escape as curiosity took ahold of you.</p>
<p>It didn't take long to come up with a plan that deemed to be the most feasible option. And, by the eighth morning you knew it was time. <br/>You were getting out of this room, one way or another.</p>
<p>The plan was risky, but simple. A lone stormtrooper would be in to deliver your meal just after the lights turned up. Once he makes his way in you would attack, hoping to disarm him and use the weapon to your advantage. You had the upper hand. You would be ready and they wouldn't be expecting it.</p>
<p>The likelihood of getting shot was high, but you weren't worried about that. In fact, a twisted part of you began to embrace the thought. Because at this point anything seemed to be better than wasting away in this room.</p>
<p>As the small space begins to illuminate, a rush of adrenaline courses through you. Both of which were doing zero favors for your aching head.</p>
<p>Taking a deep shaky breath you force yourself to stand. Knowing it was better to be closer to the door in hopes of hearing something before it opened. You slowly make your way over, steadying your body against the wall next to it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Now it was just a waiting game.</em>
</p>
<p>You weren't afraid, but as the minutes ticked by your nerves begin to get the better of you. Your shaky hands feeling like rocks as they kept you firmly in place against the wall. You knew there were many ways this could play out, most of them ended up with you dead, but you needed to do something</p>
<p>Taking another deep breath you try to focus on your objective: Getting the hell out of here.</p>
<p>Your heart pumping heavily in your chest as the thought of freedom ran through your mind. You quickly push aside your nerves and allow excitement to take its place.</p>
<p>Before you could get another thought in, a faint beeping noise outside of the door catches your attention.</p>
<p>
  <em>This was it.</em>
</p>
<p>You brace yourself, ready to attack. Your hands clenching into fists in front of you as the door slides open and a figure enters the room.</p>
<p>Through your adrenaline you immediately register that something's off. It wasn't the stormtrooper.</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p>Before you, Kylo filled your vision. His black attire burning into your eyes as it contrasted with the walls.</p>
<p>
  <em>What the hell was he doing here?</em>
</p>
<p>You tense back against the wall remembering your previous attempt to strike was still visible. Swallowing nervously as his frame towered yours inside of the tiny cell.</p>
<p>He didn't speak. His body unmoving as the mask peered down at you.</p>
<p>It wasn't supposed to be him. What was going on?</p>
<p>"You are aware that I can see everything that goes in that pretty little head of yours, right?" he answered your question with a question.</p>
<p>Completely forgetting about his ability to intrude your mind, realizing that he was the cause of your persistent headache all along.</p>
<p>You roll your eyes. <br/>The thought of him reveling in the moments you had endured over the last week made you cringe. Knowing that even if you had known it was him you wouldn't have had the energy to fight him off.</p>
<p>He steps toward you. You impulsively move back.</p>
<p>"You really didn't think this one through. This plan was going to fail either way," his modulated voice burning with irritation and amusement, "You will not win against me."</p>
<p>He moves closer, towering over you even more. This time you held your position. Knowing he was doing it to seem more the threatening and even though it was working you weren't backing down.</p>
<p>"Do you understand?" he persisted.</p>
<p>He was testing you. You knew that you should just accept it and let him have his moment, but you couldn't. Your pride was just as strong as his.</p>
<p>"Do you understand I'll never stop fighting you?" You tone sharp as you scowl beneath his gaze. "You won't break me. No matter how hard you try."</p>
<p>He tilts his head slightly. <br/>"Are you sure about that?" He replies, curiosity hidden in his voice.</p>
<p>You didn't have a chance to respond or much less think before he swiftly brings his gloved hand to back of your head, grasping a fistful of hair and yanking it back. Your body now leaning at an awkward angle.</p>
<p>Your hands flew upwards clasping at the leather trying to pry his fingers to let go.</p>
<p>He jerks the sensitive spot again, causing you to scream out as an awful burning sensation runs throughout your scalp.</p>
<p>He leans forward taunting over you in the hold he has you in. Your reflection bouncing off the mask as you struggle beneath his grip.</p>
<p>"From what I can see, you are already broken. So weak.. fragile," his tone slow and heavy with arrogance, "It's actually been pretty entertaining watching you suffer in here."</p>
<p>"Fuck you!" you shout, your fingernails pushing deeper into the thick material.</p>
<p>Without warning he releases you. Your footing slipping as a result causing you to fall backwards onto the floor. Pain was now radiating in your ass and hand, as both caught most of the impact.</p>
<p>He keeps his stance above you. Your pulse pounding hard in your throat as your eyes maintain their position on the mask. Determined to show him that you aren't fragile like he assumed.</p>
<p>"Is that all you've got?" You grin below him.</p>
<p>Within an instant you are picked up into mid air and thrown violently into the wall behind you. The invisible force firmly holding you in place as you scream out in agony from the impact. Your body aching all over, unable to pinpoint which area was the worst.</p>
<p>Hard footsteps quickly approach as you try and escape his hold. Your heart racing faster with every step.</p>
<p>Planting himself directly in front of you, forcing your chin upwards to look at him. He places both hands against the wall on each side of your head, pinning you.</p>
<p>You try to hide your whimpers as you struggle underneath under his power. The force squeezing so tightly around you each movement feeling like needles sticking into your skin over and over as,  your bones threatening to rupture into pieces.</p>
<p>He leans down closer to you. You quickly turn your head in response. Hating how close he was and how much he was enjoying your torment.</p>
<p>"You try so hard to be strong," his deep voice only inches away, "always fighting to prove yourself."</p>
<p>It was hard to focus on his words when the pain coursing through you was demanding your attention.</p>
<p>"I've been where you are. I know what it's like to feel as if you need to do it all, be everything, all at once. The difference between the two of us is that I knew how to gain control of that feeling and embrace it. You? You are weak. You don't know how to do that."</p>
<p>He pulls himself up, leaving his hands where they were.</p>
<p>You slowly turn your head back toward him. Anger boiling inside of you as you fought back the temptation to defend yourself to his arrogant comment.</p>
<p>His hands leave the wall. <br/>You were hoping the pressure around you would have done the same, but it remained. A soft whine escaping your lips in disappointment. </p>
<p>He takes a few steps back across the room. Moving his hands up to the side of the mask andremoves it, placing it on the table. His fingers gently graze the top as he turns to look at you.</p>
<p>"I want to make you an offer," his natural voice filling the room.</p>
<p>Your eyebrows pull together, unsure of what he was getting at. What could he have to offer you other than getting the hell off of this planet.</p>
<p>He keeps his stance as he begins to speak again, "That isn't going to happen. However, circumstances have changed and your stay here will be longer than previously anticipated."</p>
<p>His words sending a sinking feeling in your stomach as you register them.</p>
<p>"I've already given you everything! I don't understand, what else do you want from me?"</p>
<p>"That doesn't matter," he insists. His hands moving to clasp together behind him.</p>
<p>"Yes it does, this is my fucking life! If you aren't going to let me go, then just kill me already! We both know how much pleasure you would get out of it."</p>
<p>The pressure on your body suddenly intensifies, provoking a deep cry from your throat. Closing  your eyes tightly to try and focus on something else.</p>
<p>Through the pain you faintly hear him take an irritated breath. Opening your eyes you look up to see his narrowing back on you.</p>
<p>"Are you finished?" his voice roaring through the room with anger.</p>
<p>You knew it would be stupid to keep pressing the issue. Making him upset wasn't helping you. So, you chose to remain silent.</p>
<p>"The offer," he reminded you, "even though I'll most likely regret it, I am going to give you a choice. You can remain here, in this cell, or I can provide you with another placement."</p>
<p>Your eyes light up. Immediately, you forgot about the moments before and the hold constricting around you, as the thought of getting out this room took over your thoughts.</p>
<p>He continued, "You will have a room to yourself. A bed," turning his head toward the mat you have been sleeping on and then back to you, "and a washroom".</p>
<p>
  <em>A shower??</em>
</p>
<p>It wasn't something you had thought about since you were brought here. But right now, the possibility of being able to wash off sounded amazing.</p>
<p>His voice broke your train of thought, "Let me caution you. The choice is yours, however, if you act out of line I won't hesitate to throw you back in here and watch as you rot away into the floor."</p>
<p>You knew from the cold look in his eyes he was serious. You swallow in hopes to help clear the newfound dryness in your throat from his warning.</p>
<p>"I need you to make your decision."</p>
<p>As you ponder the options you were given, questions began pooling in just as fast. You still didn't understand why he was offering you anything to begin with, but in the moment you didn't want to probe that issue.</p>
<p>The temptation to step outside that metal door was high and thinking about what this new room would provide you with made it even higher.</p>
<p>Even if it was only temporary, it could give you a small piece of hope to cling to. And right now that was something you desperately needed.</p>
<p>"Ok," your voice low as you accept his offer.</p>
<p>The pressure around you slowly begins to dissipate. Your body immediately feeling relief as your feet are placed flat on the floor. You take a deep breath, moving your shoulders around to help with the stiffness.</p>
<p>From across the room Kylo walks back to the table, grabbing his mask, and proceeds silently to the door.</p>
<p>You lean back onto the wall as your shaky legs regain their strength. Waiting for him to say something in regards to your answer, but he doesn't, instead exiting the room.</p>
<p>Remaining in the same a spot, you keep your focus on the door. Your breathing uneven as time seemingly slows down. Biting at your cheek nervously as the thought crosses your mind that maybe he had played you. He did enjoy toying with you. What if that was his plan all along?</p>
<p>But, as a stormtrooper enters the room, your suspicion fades and a sense of solace took its place.</p>
<p>
  <em>How fitting.</em>
</p>
<p>"Let's go," The white helmet demanded.</p>
<p>You listen, moving toward him. As you approach he grabs your shoulder and pushes you hard out into the hallway. The smell of fresh air fills your nostrils, bringing a pleasant feeling along with it.</p>
<p>But, as cell door shuts behind the two of you, it quickly disappears as you remember exactly where you are standing.<br/>The stormtrooper nudges you and you both begin walking down the narrow hallway.</p>
<p>Moving through more directions than you can keep track of. You soon start to wonder if he had forgotten his way around.</p>
<p>Thankfully, the thought fades as you both approach a large door and he pulls out his badge to scan against the wall. It opens, revealing a brightly lit elevator. The two of you enter and the door closes behind. Using his free hand he lifts it up to the panel board, pressing the button indicating the 6th floor. As it lights up a slight jolt under your feet signals that the elevator started moving.</p>
<p>The ride was silent just as you expected it to be. A small part of you is eager to speak as you eye him beside you. Aside from Kylo who let's be honest wasn't the best at communicating without making you want to stab him in the throat, you hadn't had much interaction.</p>
<p>Even though you hated every single one of them your anxiety was pleading to feel some bit of normalcy. But, you decide to keep quiet, knowing it was probably for the best.</p>
<p>As the elevator moves past the 5th floor a knot forms in your stomach. Watching as the digital number 6 lights up on the screen above the door and the elevator comes to a stop.</p>
<p>The door slides open and Kylo is standing directly ahead.</p>
<p>You stiffen as you noted his large frame compared to the door. Always forgetting how fucking massive he was as he soared over you and the stormtrooper beside you.</p>
<p>He moves to the side, giving you room to come out of the elevator. You hesitate but slowly walk forward. As you make your way past him, the scent of amber and leather consumes you. Your stomach clenches as you recognize the slightly familiar smell. It was him.</p>
<p>It was all you could think about, until the elevator door closes leaving only you and Kylo.</p>
<p>For a brief moment you begin to wonder why he wouldn't want the stormtrooper to stay and keep watch on you. The thought dwindles as you recall exactly who stood beside you. Knowing he didn't need any extra measures to handle you.</p>
<p>You look around the hallway you are standing in. The long dark gray walls leading down toward a black door. He steps forward, walking in that direction. You silently follow behind.</p>
<p>His heavy footsteps booming throughout the hallway fill your ears. Your eyes focusing on him in front of you, watching the way his robes sway effortlessly with every step he takes. Standing tall and confident in his strides.</p>
<p>Even with everything he had put you through, a part of you was still so surprised by how he portrayed himself these days.</p>
<p>Just years ago you sat in front of a self doubting kid, uncertain of who he was and what he was meant to be.</p>
<p>Now before you, stood a man that had the power to kill anyone he needed without any hesitation.</p>
<p>He held no more insecurity about what his purpose. He knew exactly who he was.</p>
<p>And, even though this new person terrified you a very small part couldn't help but feel proud of him.</p>
<p>As you both reach the door it opens, allowing entrance to what was inside. He stood abruptly and you follow his lead, planting your feet on the marble flooring beneath you.</p>
<p>Turning around, his eyes surveying you. <br/>"Go on in," he insists.</p>
<p>You take a breath, holding it in as you begin walking forward. Your legs heavy as you force yourself to enter the doorway.</p>
<p>
  <em>Deals with the devil always end well, right?</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. No Turning Back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things don’t go as you expect in the new  space.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You slowly make your way through the doorway, taking in the room you were now standing in. Your jaw instantly drops at the sight of the beautiful and massive living space before you. </p><p>Dark gray and black walls paired with ceiling to floor windows throughout. The tall glass exposing the falling snow outside of them.<br/>
A black leather couch and two matching chairs sat in the center of the room, accompanied next to an unlit black stone fireplace. </p><p>Turning your head to the right, a kitchen comes into view. It’s jet black cabinets contrasting with the off white counter tops and steel colored appliances.</p><p>You had never seen anything like it before or at least not this close up. Everything was perfectly in place, seemingly untouched. There was no doubt that this place was incredible.</p><p>Your admiration soon turning into concern as you realize something was off.<br/>
There was no way that this is what he meant when he made you the offer earlier. The way he explained it was that you would be getting a slight upgrade to your previous situation. This was something else entirely.</p><p>Movement from beside you quickly catches your attention. A rush of cold air runs through you as you remember you aren’t alone. You look up to meet the back of Kylo’s head as he passes by you, stopping just a few feet away. He turns around to meet your gaze. His face unreadable as you scan over the pale and lightly freckled features.</p><p>You weren’t sure why but you felt a small sense of appreciation for his uncovered persona in the moment. Maybe it was because the familiar eyes staring back at you were giving you a misplaced sense of calmness. <br/>
Or maybe it was that you were just happy to not have to deal with the intensity and uneasiness the creepy head gear produced.</p><p>Breaking your eyes away from him you take another glance around the room, shaking your head in disbelief that any of this could truly be yours.</p><p>“What is this?”</p><p>He remains still in front of you as you pull you attention back to him.</p><p>“Are you not satisfied?” he questioned, knowing exactly what you meant.</p><p>You narrow your eyes on him, the calmness quickly fading away.</p><p>A smug smile forms on his face, “I know the Resistance housing is hard to compete with.. but I don’t think it’s that bad.”</p><p>You roll your eyes and take a deep breath attempting to keep your composure. He was trying to antagonize you and you weren’t going to let him win this time.</p><p>As if he took the bait, he slowly begins to move forward to your side of the room.</p><p>His leaden footsteps now circling you. “This is where you’ll be staying,” he announces from behind, confirming any suspicions you previously had. He leisurely makes his way back around, positioning himself directly in front of you.</p><p>“With me, in my quarters.”</p><p>Your stomach drops as you a million questions start to flood your mind. The utmost one being whether or not you heard him correctly.</p><p>
  <em>Of course I did, he basically breathing down my neck!</em>
</p><p>You shoot him a puzzled expression as peers down at you. “I am NOT staying here,” you hiss. Crossing your arms in protest.</p><p>He wasn’t fazed by your reaction.</p><p>“Why not? What are you afraid of?” He taunted, insinuating that you feared him.</p><p>A part of you did. Who wouldn’t? But in this moment your hate towards him triumphed any other feelings you held.</p><p>“Screw you,” you spat, “I’m not scared of you.”</p><p>
  <em>So much for keeping your cool.</em>
</p><p>His smug look slowly faded. “You should be,” the intensity in his voice rising. <br/>
Now you were the one getting under his skin.</p><p><em>Good</em>. </p><p>He was insane if he really thought you would be okay staying here. Being a prisoner of the First Order was the last thing you wanted. But, being under his watch, sharing a space with the same man that put you here to begin with. The same man that betrayed and attacked the your people. You’d rather be back in the cell “Rotting”, as he put it.</p><p>An irritated sigh leaves his lips as he goes to speak, “Once again your pride is obstructing your critical thinking. You need to push it aside and really think about what you are denying.”</p><p>“Why are you doing this?!” You shout. Frustration taking over any self control you had left.</p><p>“Doing what? Offering you more than you could ever have before?”</p><p>“Exactly! Why? I don’t understand any of this,” you reply sternly, still lost on what your part was now.</p><p>“We’ve already covered this back in the cell. It’s none of your concern right now.”</p><p>“Gods!” You yell louder, “Why the hell are you tormenting me?! I was always on your side. I believed in you and you..” the room begins to feel as if it was closing in around you as your anger exploded. <br/>
“.. you chose them! The same fucking people that we spent our childhood running from, watching as they attacked our people.” </p><p>Your hands clench at your shirt struggling to remain where you were, all you wanted in that moment was to charge at him.</p><p>“The same goddamn assholes that killed my mo-” The burning in your throat stops you from finishing. You let out a deep uneven breath.“You fucking asshole,” you say in a low quavering voice. Not caring to stop the tears that were now falling.</p><p>“I did what I needed to do.”</p><p>A hallow laugh leaves your lips as you shake your head in disbelief, “You didn’t need this.”</p><p>“You have NO idea what I need,” His thunderous voice making you jump. <br/>
“You never did! You just assumed you knew me. Thinking you knew what was best, just like the rest of them. When all along, everything that I was feeling inside and fighting with every fucking day had a purpose, a calling” he moves closer, his brows furrowing together as he continues his fit.</p><p>“The dark side showed me exactly how powerful I can be,” his tone was softer now, but the threatening cadence behind it was still very present. “It taught me to see how much potential I have, to be something greater than ever before and nothing can get in the way of that,” he warned, closing in the distance between the two of you.</p><p>You keep your feet in place. Forcing yourself not to give into his intimidating stance over you. His new found confidence that you wereadmiring just earlier you now resented. <br/>
Hating the way he was trying to make you feel small.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck him.</em>
</p><p>“I want to go back to the cell,” you demand.</p><p>A slight twitch under his eye catches your attention. Oh no, you knew that look all too well.</p><p>“You’ve lost the option to choose,” he replies through gritted teeth.</p><p>
  <em>He can’t be serious..</em>
</p><p>“No, I’m not staying here with you!” your arms drop down to your sides, your hands to clenching into fists.</p><p>Suddenly, his gloved hand grabs the front your neck with a vengeance. Squeezing roughly as your own rushes up to meet his wrist, trying to remove his hold. <br/>
He isn’t pressing hard enough to cut off of your entire air supply, but it’s enough to get your attention. Your wide eyes meet his as he hovers above. <br/>
“That fucking mouth,” his anger relevant in every word. “This is the last warning you will get. Control yourself or I will do it for you.”</p><p>His eyes move slowly up and down your body. </p><p>“As much as I’d love to leave bruises all over you,” a chill runs through you as an unwanted feeling begins to unexpectedly form between your legs, “I’d rather this go smoothly... for your sake.”</p><p>You swallow nervously. Fear and embarrassment fighting with one another inside of you as the sensation still lingers in your lower half. It didn’t help that the way he was looking at you was right on the line of wanting to crush your windpipe or fuck you where you were standing.</p><p>You needed him to let go. And you knew fighting him off wasn’t an option, so you chose to compromise. Lowering your hands in hopes he would release his grasp.</p><p>Observing your movements, he quickly notes your surrender. Thankfully, pulling his hand off of your neck.</p><p>A ragged sigh of relief escapes your lips as you bring your hand back up to lightly rub the tender spot. Even though his hand didn’t stop air flow, the pressure and your nerves mixing together didn’t help your body as it tries to calm down. You shift your stance slightly to try and eliminate the other unwelcome pressure.</p><p>He didn’t move from where he stood, still forcing you to crane your neck as you look up to him. It was taking everything in you not to say something, but you held your tongue knowing that it wasn’t worth it.</p><p>
  <em>Gods, I hate you.</em>
</p><p>“I know,” he responds to your thought. His eyes holding their position on yours.</p><p>“Now, do you think you can walk to your new room peacefully or do I need to help you?”</p><p>You struggle to keep from rolling your eyes at his comment. Replacing it with a firm nod instead.</p><p>He turns around, moving in the opposite direction, leaving you where you stood. You hesitate to follow as you watch him walk away, thankful for the distance between you both. But, soon his words pierce through your hearing like glass</p><p>“Let’s go princess.”</p><p>You slowly motion your feet forward, reluctantly following in the direction he was heading. As you attempt to calm yourself, you take it as a moment to focus on the room around you again. Admiring some of the parts you missed before. Especially, the enormous black bookcase that separated the living area and beautiful dining table you were passing. The long rectangular table was a dark oak color with six matching chairs stationed around it.</p><p>You wondered if he ever actually used it or if it was just for show, like most things in here seemed to look. It was unlikely that he would have many visitors wanting to join him considering how they acted in the hangar the day of your arrival. <br/>
Imagining him sitting at the table next to the same people, silence filling the room as everyone hesitates to even place their hands on the table to eat. </p><p>You smirk at the thought.</p><p>
  <em>He’s definitely not the life of the party.</em>
</p><p>Your attention came back to the bookshelf, remembering his infatuation with reading when he was younger. It was rare to ever see him not reading or lugging one around in his bag, unless his blue lightsaber took its place.</p><p>As he turns the corner in front of you, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. The small hallway held two doors, one to the left and one straight ahead. He stops beside the one in the left, the door instantly opens without him even pressing the button on wall.</p><p>
  <em>Of course he used the force. </em><br/>
<em>Because, why not..</em>
</p><p>Looking over at you, his dark brown eyes immediately glowing into am amber color as the bright lights inside of the room reflect against them. Butterflies make their way into your stomach.</p><p><em>NO</em>.</p><p>You quickly shift your vision toward the door, making yourself move forward into the new room you would now be staying in. Glancing around the room the same feeling earlier came back.</p><p>The walls were a softer gray color with similar ceiling to floor windows in the living space. There was a large bed with a black metal frame and white silky sheets. And, even though it lacked any amount of bright colors or originality, it was absolutely stunning. And a hell of a lot better than your prisoner pad or even the hut back on Nudinni.</p><p>You turn to back around to see him watching you. His eyebrows raise slightly as if he was waiting for your reaction or gratitude.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck him.</em>
</p><p>He didn’t deserve any recognition from you.</p><p>You swallow the lump in your throat and shiftyour eyes to another door just a few feet away from the bed. Your eyes light up.</p><p>“Bathroom?” you ask.</p><p>“Yes.” his voice much lower than earlier.</p><p>You didn’t waste another second as you make your way over to the door and open it, revealing another beautiful space. The shower immediately catching your attention.</p><p>The desire to wash off was now surging through you as you eyed the chrome and metal fixtures.</p><p>Turning around you find him standing in the doorway. In your excitement you didn’t hear him walk up.</p><p>“Can I?” you ask eagerly, instantly regretting the enthusiasm in your voice.</p><p>He gives a slight nod. “There are fresh clothes in the dresser. Everything else you need is in here,” he glances around the bathroom and then briefly back to you before shutting the door behind him.</p><p>You wait a moment, listening to his footsteps as he walks away. Once you felt you were in the clear hurry over to the shower, opening the glass door and turn the water on.</p><p>You quickly remove your clothes, tossing them across the room into a large bin, and stepping into the already steaming space. <br/>
The water stings your skin, the warmth giving you immediate relief. You turn around, letting it drench down your hair and back. Focusing entirely on the amazing feeling as it cascades off of your body.</p><p>For the first time in almost a week your mind felt weightless. You had no worries or cares about the world around you. Your only focus was the way the pressure of the water soothed your aching muscles.</p><p>After a few minutes you decide it’s time to finally wash off, grabbing ahold of the new bar of soap and lathering it all over body. Scrubbing at your skin as if it was going to wash away everything you had endured. <br/>
Once it started to feel raw and uncomfortable you figured it was good enough.</p><p>As you wash your hair, bringing your fingers through the knotted areas, your mind begins to wander.</p><p>A sinking feeling emerges in your stomach as you start to think about your family. Unsure if any of them were even alive at this point. If they were gone, that meant that the little amount of hope you had been clinging to was pointless.</p><p>You could feel the tears making their way to your eyes as a sob builds in your throat. Clenchingyour jaw to try and keep your emotions at bay, but instantly fail as they break free. Yourbody collapsing with them onto the stone ground.</p><p>You sob into the water as it pours over you. Everything you had tried to push down started to come back like a wildfire.</p><p>
  <em>How the hell did I let this happen?! I never should have went after him!</em>
</p><p>You close your eyes hard, trying to stop yourself from going into a full blown panic attack.</p><p>
  <em>Gods, get yourself together! </em>
</p><p>You needed to calm down. You didn’t do this, you weren’t weak like this. This is what he wants.</p><p>
  <em>Get up.</em>
</p><p>Through the remaining tears and whimpers that left your lips you force yourself to stand.Letting the water run down your face to soothe your sore eyes and wash the remaining soap from your body. </p><p>You finish with your shower, turning off the water and grabbing the clean white towel that was hanging against the shower door. Wrapping it around yourself as you make your way over to the foggy mirror. </p><p>You see yourself for the first time since you were taken. Even with the slight blurriness you could tell that you didn’t look exactly like yourself. </p><p>Your eyes red and swollen due to the crying fit you had just had. Slight dark circles had formed beneath them caused by the lack of sleep.</p><p>Noticeable sadness evident in your features. It was hard not to feel anything but sadness, unless anger took its place. Your entire world had been flipped upside down and it wasn’t looking like it would improve any time soon, if at all. </p><p>You stare for a moment longer and then pull your eyes away. You needed to stay calm and staring at your reflection wasn’t helping you do that.</p><p>You spot a bin stocked full of products on the side of the vanity. Scanning through the items you were a bit shocked to see the plethora of options before you, ranging from hygiene products to hair tools and even a small amount of make up.</p><p>Even if you were staying in his quarters, you were still a prisoner. Why was any of this an option?</p><p>You quickly push the question aside, you weren’t going to complain about it, especially when you desperately needed to use them.</p><p>You spot the hair brush and grab it, brushing out the rest of the knots you weren’t able to get out with your hand in the shower. After successfully doing so, you wrap another clean towel around your hair to allow it to dry more as you apply the other products within the bin.</p><p>Once you finish, you walk to the bathroom door, opening it slightly to look out and make sure you were alone. Thankfully, the bedroom door was shut and there was no sign of him. </p><p>Opening the door fully,you notice the dresser he had mentioned earlier. Making your way to it and you proceed to grab new clean clothes.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>There wasn’t much in the drawers and just like the room it lacked any evidence of actual color. You quickly recalled who had given them to you. The First Order’s attire was never something to admire. The darkness fit well with their overall agenda.</p><p>You settle on ablack long sleeve shirt and dark gray pants, pairing it with clean underwear, abra, socks, and boots. All of them black.</p><p>
  <em>Of course.</em>
</p><p>You remove the towel around you, you put on the fresh clothing. Surprisingly everything fit well, clinging to your frame just right.<br/>
Afterwards, you take the other towel off of your head and quickly braid your hair so that it would be easier to manage.</p><p>Once you finish getting yourself together you couldn’t help but find yourself looking back at the large window.</p><p>The snow had slowed down since earlier, the flakes drifting gently through the air.It had been a very long time since you been this close to the icy substance. Trying to imagine the sound it made when it’s stepped on and how the cold droplets felt when they hithit your skin.</p><p>You step closer, allowing yourself to see what else the view had to offer. Gaping out of the glass at the vast amount of white covered mountains. Seemingly going on for miles and miles.</p><p>For a brief minute it was peaceful. Only you, the view, and silence. But soon enough a lingering voice inside your head reminds you that this moment was only temporary.</p><p>The door was only a few feet away from where you were standing and once you stepped foot out of it, it would all start again. </p><p>You bite your lip anxiously as you stare at it, knowing what was waiting on the other side. You hold your breath as you press your feet forward. </p><p> </p><p>Knowing you couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer.</p>
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